


when your shadow is too hard to handle

by bisang (dreamchapter)



Series: it's okay (i'm here for you) [1]
Category: Produce 101 (TV), X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: (i'm sorry babies i'll mention you another time), Depression, M/M, rest of hyung line are mentioned!, the kids are just categorized into 'the younger members'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-12
Updated: 2019-09-12
Packaged: 2020-10-17 03:20:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20614115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamchapter/pseuds/bisang
Summary: seungyoun gives, gives and gives.until he doesn't.





	when your shadow is too hard to handle

**Author's Note:**

> tw: does imply depression.  
gyulcat if you squint harder than wooseok without his glasses and contacts.

seungwoo knocks on the door. "seungyoun-ah, please open the door."

all he gets is silence. downstairs comes the hushed whispers of "what's happening?" from the younger members, and louder hushes from yohan as hangyul starts a conversation on a lighter topic.

next to him, wooseok holds a cup of water in his hands, eyes shining unshed tears. "younie, you need to drink some water," wooseok tries, his voice cracking at the nickname.

the chattering downstairs have stopped– ears out to listen for anything. the silence on the other side of the door continues. not even a ruffle of sheets, the patter of feet, the scrolling of a mouse. it's like the room is empty.

wooseok sniffs, his already tiny frame shrinking in as he shakes to his silent tears. seungwoo blinks away at his tears.

it feels like he's failed. 

  
  


seungwoo doesn't know when it changed. neither does wooseok, nor hangyul. not even the other members. has he not been keeping an eye on his fellow co-worker, brother,  _ friend _ ?

cho seungyoun. he's just a year younger than him; if seungwoo was born a little later, they'd be of the same age. shouldn't that mean that they would be on the same plane? yet seungwoo feels like they are worlds apart.

seungwoo is calm, level headed. he's mature when he needs to be, clingy like a newborn puppy towards the team when he feels especially homesick. wooseok's much like him, except more talkative, and dotes on a particular member more than the others.

and seungyoun is a box of surprises, waiting to be unveiled.

there are days where seungyoun would be loud and excitable. always talking, always on the move. brightening up the room, making a fool of himself. he would poke fun at wooseok's unhealthy obsession over chicken feet, then pester yohan for kisses. he would entertain the younger members with games, yelling playfully alongside them.

at the end of those days, long after the sun had set, he would sneak into seungwoo's room and coo at his sleepy hyung. then he'd leave and bring wooseok and hangyul back for cuddles on seungwoo's queen sized bed, because "this bed is too big for one person!" to which seungwoo will reply, "we're giants." seungyoun would say "that's me. the rest of you are tiny babies" and wooseok would lightly elbow him in the ribs. seungyoun would reach over to smack hangyul, who would accidentally kick seungwoo when he tries to escape from the offending hand.

there are also days where seungwoo feels like the younger one. those days, seungyoun would tell him to rest; he can handle the younger kids. seungwoo would take a step back and watch as seungyoun took lead. watch him lead dance practice, initiate breaks, answer to their managers while keeping a lively mood within the group. occasionally, wooseok would step up to lead alongside seungyoun, but it's usually just seungyoun. it's the reason why seungwoo thought the younger male would make a great leader for their team.

those nights, seungyoun would push seungwoo into bed after his shower, and pull the blankets up to his chins. he'd leave a pat on the elder's cheeks and say, "hyung, you should rest up. you look tired lately." seungwoo would protest, and seungyoun would respond saying that he can't have his leader collapsing on him. seungyoun would spend the night, tending to seungwoo's most ridiculous requests, babying the elder.

then there are days where seungyoun is quiet. withdrawn, observing, always looking. those days, wooseok would take charge, leading the group and setting the mood. seungwoo's too busy looking out for seungyoun anyways. seungyoun would smile at him, and reassure him that there's nothing wrong; he's alright.

sometimes, seungyoun gets better as the day goes on. other times, seungwoo climbs into his bed at night, and hangyul would leave for wooseok's room. seungwoo would pull the younger closer towards him, let him hide his face into his chest, let him be vulnerable.

and then, there's days like this. he would forcefully evade hangyul out of their shared room, and lock himself in. there's nothing seungwoo could do, and it pains him. he's their leader– he's seungyoun's leader. yet all he could is to stand outside the door, and hope that seungyoun would respond.

**Author's Note:**

> un beta'd. just a short one, written in just under an hour. please point out any mistakes with the grammar/spelling :›
> 
> i hope you guys do get the help you need, be it from a professional or not. do look out for your friends too.
> 
> leave a comment?


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